hi! i'm alive and well.
a birthday passed and i can't help but acknowledge that tugging feeling of getting older. and not gravity, the girls are doin just fine, thanks!
but i stay in more, i don't mind it.
i enjoy my job... and listen to npr or the temptations radio on pandora while i work.
i've been investing my time in things that really interest me.
i'd like to think that i'm just getting comfy with who i am...

as a kid you don't ever think about that. miss that!
as a teenager, you're confused about what's going on, but damnit, you are the one who's right.
as a young adult, (and i can only speak for myself here)i partied. a lot. and while it was a lot of fun... the crazy coke filled nights/mornings are over for me. not because i have a family, not because i don't have the money, because i don't have the desire.
and i've always thought, "do what ya do!" ... ya know, as long as you're happy.
but i have lost a lot of friends because i "don't do anything anymore".
it makes me want to grab them by the face and screech "blow it out your ass! i do plenty. but you wouldn't know that because we don't share our deepest feelings over a mountain of cocaine anymore" ... it's laughable, really.

are you hearing as much bitterness as i am?
sorry about that...
like i said a place to ramble/ rant/ share.

i've been reading about quarter-life crisis. Don't laugh!
but seriously:

"Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

• realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
  
• confronting their own mortality
  
• watching time slowly take its toll on their parents, only to realize they are next
  
• insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
  
• insecurity concerning ability to love themselves, let alone another person
  
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments
  
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
  
• lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
  
• disappointment with one's job
  
• nostalgia for university, college, high school, middle school or elementary school life
  
• tendency to hold stronger opinions
  
• boredom with social interactions
  
• loss of closeness to high school and college friends
  
• financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
  
• loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
  
• desire to have children
  
• a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself
  
• frustration with social skills "
  
  

while it can be discouraging... i think it's a necessary and beneficial thing to really look into who you are, what you're feeling and what you're doing. how do you know where you stand if you don't "question everything"? question yourself. know your answers. but there is a fine line between that and over-analyzing. analyzing can make your brain short circuit. one step at a time, grasshopper.

"what puzzle pieces do you want to make your big picture?"

i'm making my choices. picking my battles. i feel pretty good about it.

bee.